silens-silentium

February 24, 2004

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Filed under: Uncategorized — Nicholas @ 11:26 pm

I’m feeling more and more useless by the day.

Cant believe up till this very moment that i screwed up my fucking maths test after such extensie preparation, tell me why? I’m one of the lowest in class and seriously, i think that’s te end of my ‘s’ papers already. I definitely don’t deserve such fucked up results for all my efforts. Someone tell me why, when i dont fucking study or prepare, and do fucking last minute work, i can do so much better than when i prepare so fucking hard for the fucking test? I just dont understnad…..i really dont get it……..why why why???????

Dont feel like writing anymore. Maybe i should just wall myself from the world and destroy my social life completely, for the sake of my ‘A’s. But that isnt the solution. It never was….. what’s happening to me?

I understand a little more behind why my parents tell me never to fall in love in JC, but even then, thats not an excuse for my state. whats wrong?

I’ll wall myself up for a few days.

Using my dad’s laptop coz the hard disk crashed.

everything seems so be crumbling around me.

February 15, 2004

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Filed under: Uncategorized — Nicholas @ 11:30 pm

hmmz…how do you put chinese characters that can be viewed on blogspot?

napfa mock tomorrow. thats it manz. i think maybe i should just give up and go for the extra pre-BMT for NS larz. haiz

I feel quite useless and worthless……….i just dun seem to be good at anything…..

v tired. going to sleep now.

February 14, 2004

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Filed under: Uncategorized — Nicholas @ 8:23 pm

what a lonely v day night. even my parents ditched me to attend concert.

sigh.

i’m missing someone alot.

February 13, 2004

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Filed under: Uncategorized — Nicholas @ 11:49 pm

The end of a week. A miracle I managed to end the day unscathed.

Wokke up and I thought the quarrel I had with my mum at 6.29 am would set the tone for the day. SUCKY. hmmz, turned out to be ok larz. Reached school esp early today, just after 7 am. Was doing my physics s while the rest of the school (or rather most of the school) was busying theselves with friendship day prezzies and stuff. And yes zhiyun asked me a qns i din know how to reply. Things then definitely wasnt going well for me.

Anyway assembly with mass dance today. I want you and friendship. duh. me and yiling just walked away while kelvin as usual was filming. then just before physics lec kevin pissed me off with his damn irritating econs perspective of things. i guess with the cloud over my head and getting pissed of, he actually manged to see that i was REALLY pissed. i brightened up after that though. maths tutorial was ok larz. then fell asleep during break and overslept. i was with cheryl and glenda then like we were 10 min late for lecture. at first decided not to go, then i was in the library, then at the canteen. After the lecture was the stunner.

Of all people, it took a s63 person to tell me what happened. Valmond told me that i zeng alr, my name got called out coz i two weeks consecutively miss maths lec liaoz. then glenda came out and repeated that to me, and i was wondering i thot she ponned? then she told me lyndon called her. and never call me. anyway by that time i was really quite pissed alr, really, eating alone in the canteen, then getting this kind of news. oh well, i told her and the class something that i din care, i guess it was all a false front. inside i was wondering how it would affect my report when i went for scholarship interviews, how my parents would react when they received the call and so on. That really was the low point of today. Lucky it got better. showed mr lee the s paper tute with glenda, then went for gp.

gp was ok, mr chua was really nice to give the class a cake which we finished in class. anyway the meeting with the j1s screwed up. mixed up so in the end i gave the two stalks of roses to vanessa and susan respectively at 1 45 pm. then went down for banner painting releuctantly actually. stopped halfway to go physics s lec (and i think i found out why kelvin is acting so strangely these few days). i think i will talk to him about it soon. all i can say here is dun give up just because you’re imagining things. what you think may not be the actual situation or reality of the matter at all. just dun give up. went back after that for banner painting and really, the attendance was pathetic larz. we were supposed to do the flag, then ended up doing the big one. damn irritating and totally pissed us off cos we saw so many people slacking around larz. our class practically worked out how to colour the thing, what combinations and so on, effectively we did the whole banner, except the design itself. i myself even ponned training to finish the thing, cos after su and the rest left, i was the only one who really had an idea what was going on. then got whacked by ms siow about it. eventually she said she did that only because attendance was bad today.

went dinner with cliff, talked to him about various issues and read an interesting book at mph. took a cab home and really, the wait for a taxi was exasperating. I HATE TAXI DRIVERS. they really are fuckers. i got nothing else to say.

anyway i got to go now. damn tired. tomorrow is v day cum cross country day. update soon.

happy v day to everyone and for those singles, all the best in your endeavours.

February 12, 2004

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Filed under: Uncategorized — Nicholas @ 2:00 am

i miss you.

its these times that i really, really know that i like you alot, more than i ever knew…….

when i’m alone whu do i think of?

when i’m sick whu do i think of?

before i sleep whu do i think of?

when i wake up every morning and check my hp whu do i think of?

i like you. Alot.

~ sudden pangs from the heart~

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