silens-silentium

i wonder why i end up liking the wrong girl….. Am I?

I just dun understand.

oh well back to studies studies studies.

fuck life.

Oh yes, I’ms till aiming for the master’s for the nationals. 1 and 1/2 more months. I think its much more attainable now. I WUN LET BLOODY TAN YEW HWEE LOOK DOWN ON BOWLING ANYMORE! **** him man….i was so damn pissed when i heard from my captain he din want to send in a guy’s team. *&%$#$%*^%&$ i bet its about the money lorz, the most we pay the coaching fees totally ourselves larz. Talk dunno what cock, give all the bloody excuses. If I miraculously get into the top few positions i’ll make him eat my trophy man…….

Oopz. What an outburst of anger. Anyway training tomorrow. YEAH!!!! I will do it!!!!

I just can’t understand why I like to update my blog in the wee hours of the day… oh well i’ll leave that to another time.

Got this cool MP3/AM-FM Radio/USB memory stick/voice recorder gadget. Looks reaaly sleek, until you see the earphones. Its like OMG. Anyway, i’ve replaced it with my own earphones….. I’m waiting to buy a pair of second-hand earphones from my bowling junior.

First day of school and I’m slogging through the night again. Damn. Haha. Good news though. After this final essay its gonna be source based for the next few weeks. Super happy when I heard that man. No more thick readings to bulldoze through looking for worthy quotes and so on…..what a relief.

Other stuff aren’t going too well though. I hope i can get the police scholarship…..then i can aviod BMT totally, instead of getting partial exemption from army because of my flat foot, then the highest I can go is corporal. No use what. Anyway I’ll worry about that tomorrow.

Just spent the whole holidays watching TV and trying to run from reality. Not sure if i still am, but i do feel happier (for the time being). Haha thanks grace din know you still visit my blog. =) Dun worry peeps I wun do stupid things for stupid reasons. lolz. Anyway got to go now….. blog again when I’m free!!!

My com is finally up and I once again can blog again…but then why blog when all my blog entries are so sad? The main reason why i closed down the previous blog was so that i could start afresh, forget about the unhappiness of the past, and hope to be more optimistic about life in general.

Look at me now. Academically, sports-wise, mentally, physically, emotionally. I’m really drained. Its less than a week since I recovered from my previous illness and now I’m sick again. Today’s bowling prac was absolutely horrendous. All my hard work down the drain. To think that just the previous training I was beginning to think that i actually might be able to realise my goals after all. But looking at today, how to? The comp’s is in 3 months time and I really dont have much time left before the coach chooses. Just the “supposed” re-drilling of the thumb-hole of the ball, and now I have to start learning everything all from scratch again. Even the j1s are ahead of me now. And my dreams? Shattered and gone…

I dont want to talk about the rest. Its always easy for us to say how stupid people who commit suicide are, that we will never follow in their footsteps, but who knows what agony they actually go through before coming to the painful decision to jump? Or what were the cicumstances, the feelings of the person in that spur of the moment when he/she jumps? I hope I dont have to test my resolve on this issue soon.

Life is a bed of of roses, nice on the outside but thorny inside. If you’re not careful, you might even hurt yourself. That said though, roses do add colour and pleasantness to our world.

I’m finding out how hard it is to remain an optimist, especially in the face of failure.

Wishing everyone good luck in their endeavours. Hope you RJC peeps are not too stressed up over the common tests after the hols. After all they’re still 2 weeks away….