silens-silentium

I’m feeling very confused now.
 
Events and things that are happening arund me have really drained me. i try, try, try, but really, there are so many things out of control. What can I do?
 
And my heart, yes, is being torn in two directions. Both ways point to a hazy future…. i dunno what to say or do.
 
I’ve not felt so disheartened in a long while, nevertheless i’ll keep trying my best to fill the role. I hope i can get into stanford… its my aim…

Everything is getting very messy.
 
Being a spiderman is really not easy.
 
Sigh.

Feeling very worn out now. Physically and psychologically. I think I’m starting to think too much into things again. i think it would be good if one day I get paid to think about such stuff. then I wun have to worry so much about the uncertain future while I think.

Ok topic for discussion: What is the true nature of altruism? is altruism attainable? or is it just impossible, given our human nature? Putting things down in perspective, firstly, I’m not looking into a conclusion on this topic, so if you’re looking for a definite yes or no, then you’ll be disappointed. What I want to explore though, are the concepts behind altruism and see how our human psyche reacts to its ideals.

Firstly what is altruism? Altruism refers to an act of doing something that benefits someone without benefiting oneself Terms usually associated with such a term include kindness, charity, civic mindedness, selflessness and so on.

Straight to the heart of the issue: is altruism an innate part of our nature, is it something we impose on ourselves? For, if the latter is true, then why do all of us still place such high emphasis on altruism, and for that matter, morals? Are we running away from such the truth then, pretending to be ignorant for fear of the collapse society as we know it if we reveal it?

According to the theory of evolution, if we assume it to be true, Man evolved from animals. Acts we deem as barbaric and uncivilised as we see in animals were once part of our daily routine, such as eating raw food, cannibalism and so on. However, as Man progressed and developed a sense of superiority over the other animals, Man devised ways to distinguish himself from the rest of the animals. Speech, culture, society were not thought up by Man himself, it was already evident in many other species of animals. What evidently was different between those of animals and those of Man was the level of sophistication. Along the way, culture evolved into a complicated web of morals, while society set boundaries called laws in an attempt to impose conformity.

It was here where the roots of altruism took place, and where we see the first signs of altruism. As man banded himself into groups, evolving into communities, then villages, then towns, and cities, we can see how the idea of altruism has played an integral part in such a development. How? The very act of men coming together, looking out for each other, providing for one another, defending each other from wild elements were acts of altruism wasn’t it? Yet on the flip side of the argument, the workings of the economy was already apparent as such communities were founded in the form of barter trade, giving the idea that altruism had a price to pay. the irony, as you may have noticed, is, altruism as we defined it, was not supposed to be done to the benefit of oneself, or to the expectation of benefit to oneself, yet the very fact that altruism HAS a price totally destroys the concept, wouldn’t it?

Such a contradiction did not go unnoticed by the ancient philosophers. I’m not sure what thoughts ancient European philosophers might have on this issue, but in ancient China we saw how philosophers were divided in their views of this topic from Confucius to Lao Zi to this guy i can’t remember whose idea was adopted by the Kingdom of Qin (who later went on the successfully unify China). All these will be discussed further the next time i blog.

To more relaxing stuff…

Anyone interested in watching spiderman 2 with me? I’m quite broke alr but really, i think its worth it. Choice. Sacrifice. Destiny. What noble ideas.. Really, the more I explore spiderman, the more i’m amazed how Stan lee, and Sam Raimi have made peter parker and the characters so realistic, the character developments, the plot and so on. the “good over evil” thing i agree is a bit stale, but otherwise, the inclusion of character feelings, dilemma, and reactions and so on really is a fresh breeze, or something we rarely see in movies nowadays.

Spidey is becoming somewhat of an idol for me.
———————————————
The lights are out in the city tonight
So close your eyes, gaze up at the heavens
And see if you can point me out

If I could have one wish tonight
I’d wish upon a satellite
To bring me back to you
We spend our whole lives searching for
All the things we think we want
And never really knowing what we have

So many paths that we can take
To bring us to our destiny
Gaze up at the heavens
And see if you can point me out

If I could have one wish tonight
I’d wish upon a satellite
To bring me back to you
We spend our whole lives searching for
All the things we think we want
And never really knowing what we have

Be careful what you wish for
These stars are fading out.
——————————————
~Ataris, The Night The Lights Went Out In New York City

Somehow i find such fringe pop songs and bands more meaningful then those garbage on radio. though i admit their music really is abit noisy, especially at night.

Disillusionment is setting in on me. i think i’m starting to understand a little bit more, which makes spiderman 2 even more realistic and meaningful, to me.

How much nicer a world would be if everyone just bothered to do a good deed a day.

How much easier a world would be if good and evil was clearly defined axes.

If… if… if…

*sigh*

Whose eyes am I behind?
I don’t recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design?
I don’t want this to be the way that you see me

I don’t understand anything anymore
And this web that I’m tied up
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It’s anything from ordinary

And when the world is on its knees
With me, it’s fine
And when I come to the rescue
I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need
Where’s mine?
‘Cause you’re what I need so very
But I’m anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one
Look what you’ve done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You’re just a kid
You weren’t ready for what you did, no

And when the world is on its knees
With me, it’s fine
And when I come to the rescue
I do it for you
Time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need
Where’s mine?
‘Cause you’re what I need so very
But I’m anything but ordinary

I think I’m trying to save the world for you
You’ve been saving me, too.
We could just stay in and save each other

I’m anything but ordinary [x2]

~Ordinary, Train

Anyway , i’m trying to revamp my blog but i don’t seem to find the background image that i want. Those reading my blog please do help me look around if you have the time. Its the spiderman logo, you know the spider on his suit? yup so anyone who has found it please alert me… thanks…

I’m undergoing metamorphorsis again. Idealism and realism are tearing me apart.

I’m no longer an empty chair. Punch me, I bleed.