silens-silentium

I’m quite alarmed by the fact that i seem to have grown monotonous. I wonder if that’s the price i pay for growing in maturity. No i dun mean monotony in the sense that i talk about boring and shallow stuff, rather i seem to be lacking more and more in creativity and unconventional thoughts. I was first alerted by my maths tuition teacher when one day he was scolding me (as usual) and then he said:” Nicholas, you seem different from secondary school. In secondary school I could give you any sort of funny problem and you could just do it while I read newspapers (yes he does that), now look at you.” I was jolted. HORRIFIED.

Is it a product of education that when as you progress up the ladder your sense of creativity and ability to look at things from different perspectives disappear? Or is it the school? I can’t come to a conclusion. But it’s scary. I’ve noticed it myself too. There seems to be so much i cannot solve by myself now, so many questions i cannot find the answer to. Maybe my method of learning is wrong. I’ll have to relook the methods of learning. I’m quite freaked out, really.

Anyway i seem to be drifting in and out of bad moods. haha i think i’m really turning a little anti-social. I felt so happy at home today. Maybe I’m just lazy hahaha….

Listening to jay chou’s newest cd… he’s really milking the fans man. 10 songs for like 20? no wonder everyone’s turning to piracy. That being said, songs 2, 9, 10 is not bad, though as usual i cant for the world decipher what the *mumbles* he is saying…

K then i got a physics test tomorrow. I’m quite screwed i think my revision. God help me. nitez everyone i’m going to do my gp.

cool this really is cool. haha guess i was too lazy to look around for it.. haha now i can post any picture under the sun!!! muahaha 

Mary belongs to the words of this song
I try to be strong for her
Try not to be wrong for her
But she will not wait for me
anymore, anymore
Why did I say all those things before
I was sure

She is the one
But I have a purpose
and I have to fight this
Villian I can’t knock down

I see your face
with every punch I take
and every bone I break
It’s all for you
And all those pains of words
I cannot say
Still I will always
fight on for you

Mary’s alive in the
bright New York sky
The city lights shine for her
above them I cry for her
Everythings small on the ground below
down below
What if I fall then
where would I go
Would she know?

She is the one
all that I wanted
And I will be haunted
This gift is my curse for now

I see your face
with every punch I take
and every bone I break
It’s all for you
And all those pains of words
I cannot say
Still I will always
fight on for you

I see your face
with every punch I take
and every bone I break
It’s all for you
And all those pains of words
I cannot say
Still I will always
fight on for you
- Gifts and Curses

funny. my chinese tutor just called up not too long ago. again she asked the same question. got girlfriend yet? no. why not? how i know? why no one like you? don’t know. too bad i dun have a daughter. -_-”

If one day i ever have the chance i’ll do everything differently, i’ll live it differently. totally differently. i’m sick of being constrained by instincts, characteristics indoctrinated into me, drummed into me. i’m crumbling, from the strugglings of my inner soul, from the burden of expectations on me.

its so easy to be a bad guy, so difficult to be a good guy. why?

i think the world needs a superhero. yes the world needs a superhero.

oh well, maybe just aliens. then maybe they’ll wake up and start noticing the people around them and maybe, hopefully, extend a helping hand towards them. an external threat to justify internal unitedness.

whatever.

Been a long time since i last blogged.

I think I’m suffering from burnout. Cant wait for the National day holiday. 5 days of break. I can do so much in those few days man. Just praying that i won’t get distracted and waste the golden opportunity.

Hmmz spent the whole of last night trying to squeeze information out of the university websites on student life there and so on. Really, there is seriously ALOT of work to do before you go there and when you arrive. Was talking to Jennifer at around one plus… hey babe hope you’re feeling better. I know its gets very lonely out there but hang on! School
s starting real soon! Meanwhile to kill time you can always send me crap emails or start blogging, like me! Haha take care ya babe?

Nothing much to write. Seems that Im losing my Spiderman spirit. Haiz. Maybe the heavy workload is wearing me out. Nevertheless I’ll continue to try…..

Got back my psychometirc test results. Quite disapointed when the reason why my parents said it was accurate was because it reflected all my weaknesses. And yes, even strengths, they used my weaknesses to justify the strengths and tell me that it could be a weakness. Really… what do you want me to say? or maybe I’m just too sensitive…….

Speaking about being sensitive, maybe i should just forget about girls….. the attraction of becoming a priest is growning exceptionally strong again…. I thought it had faded away in sec 4…. seems otherwise. Is tat my calling? I dunno, maybe i’m just trying to run away from problems….

Hmmz anyway shall take the opportunity here to wish Xuwen and Lyndon and the babe over in the US happy belated birthday! Yupz and to Mabel and sinyee happy birthday too.. sorry i cant attend your b’dae bash today though…

So many birthdays, no wonder i’m super broke now. An yes, seems that i funded my own birthday treat too….. lolx. ben tan would know what i’m referring to……

k larz gtg now alrz…

P.S. Hey jen after talking to you i’m actually quite worried about you…. please do take care hor… your present will be arriving soon anyway…. yup cya around anyway i will be online in the morning haha singapore time ya? so you just calculate larz haha and see if you can catch me!