ACCC
ACCC
ACCC
This 4 letters have been playing my mind for more than a week now.
How do i feel? I feel FUCKED.
Outwardly I act happy and relieved about my results; i know there are others out there who wished they had my grade. they studies much harder than me, toiled longer hours than me, yet somehow, the grades weren’t reflective. i should be very happy and should be thanking my stars for such results. Yet…
I feel fucked.
I swore to myself the day my results were set in concrete that i would bloody hell work damn fucking hard to do well in the A levels. yet this whole week has been spent on LAN and assorted other diversions. What the fuck am I turning into?
Again and again I told myself that that competition over academic grades do not matter, grades, as they put it, do not reflect anything. They do not bother me. On the surface, that is. then why the need to take two s papers? then why the internal struggle whether to drop physics s? All my life i’ve prided myself on being able to stride shoulder to shoulder with the best out there. Yet where am I now?
Alot on my mind these days. Anger, denial, stoic, acceptance. I’m still not past the third stage yet. I want to be, but that’s where the problem lies, isn’t it?
The 1045 pm show on Channel U (the one every Monday) ended its run just on Monday. Sad ending, and i don’t want to dwell on it. I understand the lyrics of ���� now though:
“�q�e�q�e�@���ӤH�R�p�ܤ[ �@
��@�������@��Z��j�o�n�� �@
�n���e��@�S��A�h�R�@�� �@
��G�ƪ��̫�p�n���٬O���F�]���^”
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