silens-silentium

Many’s the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of our old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether

Don’t laugh at me
Don’t look away

You’ll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone

You’ll knock on my door
And up we’ll go
In white light
I don’t think so

But what do I know
What do I know?
I know

I know you think I’m holding you down
And I’ve fallen by the wayside now
And I don’t understand the same things as you
But I do

Don’t laugh at me
Don’t look away

You follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone

You’ll knock on my door
And up we’ll go
In white light
I don’t think so

But what do I know
What do I know?
I know

Oh and up we’ll go
In white light
I don’t think so

But what do I know
What do I know?
I know

-Bedshaped
Keane, Hopes and Fears

What do I know? Sigh. Well i’m brooding again, and I’m still wondering if the type of stories I read, and the type of TV programmes I watched when I was young influenced the way i look at the relationships I have with others, and the outlook I have towards love especially. Why? Because I’m still seeking that fairy tale ending I’ve always read and watched on TV.

I think maybe my mum’s correct: I should do something more constructive.

I just watched another romantic movie again on Channel U. Title?Tiramisu. Reminded me of Fly me to Polaris. And arose certain feelings within me that I had not felt for a long long time.

Somehow or another romantic and touching movies like this (though I felt this was defnitely not as good as Fly me to Polaris) always leads me to asking myself (while looking at the mirror) when I’ll get the chance to experience it. I shan’t dwell on it. sigh.

I feel very empty these few weeks. Been immersing myself in work, dota-ing and reading, but it seems that there is something missing. Recently I started asking myself again what’s the meaning of life, my life, and I can’t couldn’t come up with a convincing answer anymore. Maybe I’m still running away: from my A-levels results, from loneliness, from despair. Before i sleep every night, I just help but thinking to myself “Nicholas, what a useless fella you are. What contribution have you made to deserve your continued existence in this world?”

I’m seriously contemplating the thought becoming a priest. But i… i really do want to experience what love is…..

I want to believe that there is someone somewhere in the world is meant to be my other half….

I noticed tonight
That the world has been turning
While I’ve been stood here dithering around
Well I know I said I’d wait around till you need me,
but I have to go
I hate to let you down

But I can’t stop now
I’ve got troubles of my own
Because I’m short on time
I’m lonely and I’m too tired to talk

I noticed tonight
That the world has been turning
While I’ve been sat here withering away
Well i know I said I wouldn’t leave you behind
But I have to go
It breaks my heart to say

That I can’t stop now
I’ve got troubles of my own
Because I’m short on time
I’m lonely and I’m too tired to talk
To no one back home
I’ve got troubles of my own
And I can’t slow down for no one in town
No I can’t stop now for no one

The motion of my heart running

—–Can’t Stop Now—-
–>Keane: Hopes and Fears