silens-silentium

I am staring at the end of another weekend.

Looking back, I just cannot see anything much which justifies me calling the weekend going to pass a “fruitful” weekend. Well ok, I watched a movie. I had a class dinner after that. Hmmz. Thats all. I wonder where all my time went apart from these two events. Maybe I get this sense of “unsatisfaction” due to the fact that this weekend has not gone according to my plans, well not exactly.

I have certain views I’m dying to air, but mindful of the fact that my blog is rather open to viewing to everyone, including people whom I might include in my ramblings, which might affect the relationships we are currently holding, I just can’t post.

Nevertheless, a few incidents this week has opened my eyes to various issues. All I can say is “still waters run deep”, and “be mindful of what you say”. Which explains why I am so silent these day except for talking about crap and why I tend to close up and run out of things to talk with others: Because I’m too mindful of the potential implications of the issues, if broached.

And as i go on in life, I tend to believe more and more that “listening” rather than “hearing” or “talking” is the way to go in one’s life.

Maybe I should password lock my blog, so I can air my views more easily.

I don’t know how to begin this post (actually I have alr, what irony).

I remember 3 weeks ago i finally said to myself, “Nic, just give it up. It not worth waiting and pining for someone whom you know would most prob not like you. Its been XXXX years, how long more are you gonna wait?” I finally exorcised the ghost that had been lurking below my conscious mind, where thoughts about a certain person would often surface when watching romance animes like Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, Onegai teacher, and most recently, Suzuka. So I thought.

I shall not go into details, but I guess I went into overdrive again after something happened.

Here I am again, trying to convince myself to forget. The more I think, the less I understand about this feeling called “love”. What is it? What causes an attraction between a guy and a girl? I really don’t know.

On to another topic, yy was telling me the other day about global dimming, and how the world would press the button towards self-destruction if nothing was done these 25 years. Suddenly reminded of my mortality, I guess it awakened in me a sense of responsibility towards a world i’ve long discarded. Somehow or another I kept being reminded of the Saikano ending……

I believe I have to do something about it. Maybe I finally have a career to pursue in mind.

Sobering questions… reminds me of another phrase heard in a drama series, “Dreaming is always good and nice, but eventually one has to wake up, and thats where the battle begins.”

I wonder if I should continue dreaming, and just let everything around me fade away.

P.S. i listened to the OST for Saikano again today, for some reason, I couldn’t help but tear. No matter, to me the Saikano OST is still one of the most touching OSTs I’ve heard so far.

Lately the jap word “Otaku” keeps popping up in my mind, like “ding-ding!”….”OTAKU”

What is an Otaku. Simply put, imagine a computer nerd who spends his whole day doing the following: Watching/downloading/collecting anime, reading/collecting manga, playing/downloading all PS/XBox/Gamecube or any equivalent game console games, watching/downloading/drooling over AVG/Dating animes/manga/games (Its the nice description for Hentai i believe).

There. Apart from the last 2 portions, well ok its 2/4 so I’m half otaku. Lucky I don’t like girls.

Ok joking. My mood today is not as good as it reflects actually. Just that spending the whole night doing two things repetitively has driven me slightly cuckoo: Playing the same scene of Ninja Gaiden over and over again and not being able to get past that stage; and watching my almost-finished Suzuka anime download that never seems to finish. -_-” I have a feeling both the game and BitComet is making life difficult for me.

FINISH DOWNLOADING DAMNIT!

*Deep breath*

On the other hand, i’m glad I can still hold quite mature conversations with my classmates, erm colleagues. (What am I thinking?) YY the guru and i spoke on a variety of issues, from the racist undertones in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (it was rated 5 stars in Life! last year for your info), to the differences between capitalism and communism, whether the money pool in the world is growing, and certain more sensitive issues that cannot be posted here. Even though my blog is supposed to be private. A privately public blog? Hmmz… maybe I’m paranoid.

Well lastly, I’ve been oscillating alot on a certain decision. I still am, actually. Just 1 week ago i thought I had made my final decision, apparently my decision was not final enough. So we shall see which way the pendulum ends up again this time. And no I’m not choosing between 2 girls/guys/anime/manga
/”prawns”/whatever. (I thought I mentioned quitting prawns alr?)

Btw, hi jinxy jie! Glad to see youe name on my tagboard! Gambate on your exams ya~! …. Maybe I should tag it on her tagboard instead.

I suddenly sound so cheery. No I am not cheery. It is just an anormaly. Normal morbid service shall resume soon, hopefully?