silens-silentium

I think it wouldn’t be too bhb of me to say the following, since my post is going to be centred around it: My birthday was on Saturday, July 29th. Well, the truth was, the celebrations started the night before, and lasted till today.

I think it was a marvellous birthday, to say the least (and apparently there are belated ones coming up too).  I’ll post about the belated ones as they come, but first, my thanks to the following:

Firstly, my parents, who were generous enough to allow a bunch of rowdy people to stay overnight without any conditions.  In fact, they even bought a cake for to celebrate with.  Even though they kinda forgot about my birthday and were not free on Saturday evening, still I think that gesture was real nice.  In any case, my dad bought me a pair of speakers, which cost $400.  Now I need to get a better amp set, and a SACD player to complete my own hifi set (albeit entry level).

Next, the 1Obn fellas.  My brudders.  Jun Ming (YES YOU ARE IN!), Kwok Onn, Yuanlin, Kai Jin, Chun Hui (Not a member but close enough).  Fate-stayover night at my house was fun, from toei spiderman to retro karaoke (shiok).  Kind of looking forward to ORD chalet actually.  Heh.  Thanks to 1Obn for their present too.  1 FSN doujin game, and 1 FSN OST.  Saber.  Yum.  Thanks to people like Shane, Ken Tan, Robin, and Chun Ping (well guest member for the day), plus the above-mentioned people, for keeping me company through lunch, pool, LAN, Dinner, then LAN again.  Thanks guys, for taking time off to spend the day with me, walking to and fro from paradiz to sunshine to plaza singapura then back to paradiz.  Really appreciate that.  In any case, as the S1/AO/MPO of 1Obn, I will ensure all members get the same treatment I get today!

To all those who bought me the razor diamondback, thank you so so so so so so so very much!  I don’t know who chipped in for the present (okay, I know JM and Bernard were 2 of them), but please let me know so I can put you in my list of honour!

Next, to those who sms-ed/called me with well-wishes (of course, not including those listed above): YY, CPC dudes (who were at the BBQ), Germaine (my dear niece), Cheryl (Don’t worry I know you’re a busy lady!), JingXian (Thanks jie!), Yiling (future mum-in-law huhz! ROFL), Mabel (yours is next!), Jennifer (I’m 2 days’ older than you!).  Thank you so much, and well, don’t worry, I’ll remember yours too!

Lastly, thanks to Ben Tan, Yiling, and subsequently Kai Jin and Yuan Lin.  The former two accompanied me to watch Lakehouse (nice show, should watch it!), while all accompanied me to dinner.  Thanks for the company too!

Quite a long post, should end now.  I guess it’s never a trademarked™ Nicholas-type post without some morose thoughts.  20 years seems such a long journey, and I see at least 2-3 more 20 years ahead.  I guess this “birthday” weekend is a welcome respite to the troubles brewing in office, which I shall not comment further at the moment, and other decisions I have made but am refusing to execute.  Sigh.

Oh well, happy 20th birthday Nicholas.  Have a nice life ahead!

I think its time for me to give up. No, rather, I’ve decided to give up. Can’t remember when I made that decision, but if I’m not wrong, I finally told myself to just “quit it” exactly 1 month before my birthday. Why? I don’t remember.

All along, I’ve always wanted to understand what being in a relationship is all about. I’ve tried to rationalise love, seek it, wait for it, guess I should try the last option: giving up. I vividly remember one day in the VJC canteen when I was telling someone (i don’t remember who), that the hardest type of love to accomplish, or rather, to give is that of selfless love, especially when “love” in this instance refers to that present in relationships. Although it may not be possible between you and that girl you’re chasing, you still hope that she’ll find her happiness, and that you’re happy when she’s happy, even though her happiness does not stem from you. You may say that i’m trying to comfort myself, to dignify myself.

Maybe I am. But its time for me to move on; time for me to let go. Its been so long, and very painful too. I guess the only person I can blame is myself, my cowardice. I don’t know if I ever want to go through this again (sounds cliched), but I definitely won’t actively seek it…. For now, teary TV serials and movies would suffice. Meanwhile, I’ll go drown myself in work.

At least I won’t get nasty hangovers.