I think its time for me to give up. No, rather, I’ve decided to give up. Can’t remember when I made that decision, but if I’m not wrong, I finally told myself to just “quit it” exactly 1 month before my birthday. Why? I don’t remember.
All along, I’ve always wanted to understand what being in a relationship is all about. I’ve tried to rationalise love, seek it, wait for it, guess I should try the last option: giving up. I vividly remember one day in the VJC canteen when I was telling someone (i don’t remember who), that the hardest type of love to accomplish, or rather, to give is that of selfless love, especially when “love” in this instance refers to that present in relationships. Although it may not be possible between you and that girl you’re chasing, you still hope that she’ll find her happiness, and that you’re happy when she’s happy, even though her happiness does not stem from you. You may say that i’m trying to comfort myself, to dignify myself.
Maybe I am. But its time for me to move on; time for me to let go. Its been so long, and very painful too. I guess the only person I can blame is myself, my cowardice. I don’t know if I ever want to go through this again (sounds cliched), but I definitely won’t actively seek it…. For now, teary TV serials and movies would suffice. Meanwhile, I’ll go drown myself in work.
At least I won’t get nasty hangovers.