silens-silentium

Before I elaborate on the erm…. depressing title of this post, perhaps I should wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year. I sms-ed all at midnight itself, so don’t leave comments saying the greetings came too late.

As for the rest, erm, either you’re not worth it, or I honestly forgot to sms you. Go figure which group you belong to. My sincere apologies to the latter though.

In any case, I just deleted a song from my “emo” playlist. Not that the song was lousy, or that it caused me to cringe and/or smash tables and/or lose money at gambling. I guess each time I listened to the song, it just brought back faint hints of feelings/memories I don’t want to remember. Just like how I stopped listening to the fantastic Notting Hill OST (even though to date I have yet to watch the movie) because I was trying to calm my horrified, scared-shitless self after watching The Ring. I’ve started listening to selective tracks after erm… 6 years, but I still can’t stand listening to the OST itself. Gives me goosebumps.

Moving on, seemed that the festivities have brightened me up quite a bit. At least I’m smiling more often, and feel more comfortable being myself. Normal service will resume soon I promise, and I’ll just be that lame FOS fella, just like before. On the surface. After all, everything is just smoke and mirrors, isn’t it?

Am still contemplating on the switch of jobs. I’ve got quite a lucrative offer, but until the festivities are over, I don’t really want to kill braincells weighing the pros and cons of switching/remaining in my current contract. I’d rather kill the cells to earn more money during mahjong sessions.

Speaking of which, while I won quite a tidy sum of over $24 (yes, its quite alot considering my family dabbles in like $0.10, $0.20 bets), I was particularly irked that the carpark attendents were out in full force during the CNY period. I mean, come on, it’s a bloody holiday! It’s not even as if the car was obstructing traffic or anything. Oh well, there’s more I’d like to say on the issue, but without any concrete evidence, I’d rather shut my mouth and smile. After all, i’ll win back the $100 lost to the government through cards.

I felt quite sad when I realised that CNY is not paticularly favoured amongst a few of my friends. Well, one ran into some family problems, another is awfully cynical about family gatherings (I am too, but well…) and another (actually not friend) is still trying to come out from the shadows of a past relationship. I think if I dig, i’ll discover more disgruntled people. Seems that as we grow older, the novelty of such major festivals wear off, and we start to let ourselves be bogged down by the harshness/realism of life.

Anyway, one resolution I made for CNY is: To be less caustic, and be more open to people around me. I’ve realised that while I may be right most of the time, every individual is entitled to his own thinking and actions, and as long as he is happy/willing to be responsible for it, I should just smile and let it go.

What am I rambling about. Must be the time I’m typing this load of shit.