silens-silentium

The breeze is very nice. Where? Outside LT11. Well, I guess it’s because I’m the only idiot camping outside LT11 at this moment. Wish there was some view of the sea to go with the breeze. It would be perfect.
Attended 3 out of 5 tutorials (2 to go on Friday); and it really seems that I have a busy term ahead. Especially when factoring in my recent tendency to get fatigued easily.

I really need to focus. Really need to focus to get through this semester unscathed. Okay back to sleep.

I can’t believe I went through a day doing absolutely nothing. All the tutorials were administrative in nature, and honestly, can’t they just disseminate it via the ivle, and just get on with the lessons already? Whole day wasted like this, not to mention me having to make preparations for the “tutorials” by rushing through the readings over the weekend.

Thanks to Marilyn for sponsoring like, all my meals today. Even the cab to Tampines Mall was sponsored. Thanks, that was certainly a bright spot in a dreary day.

I tried to enquire about cakes, and how they tasted. I puked blood. “Is this very sweet?” “No, it’s (blah and blah flavour)  and very nice.” “Uhm, okay, so it’s (blah and blah flavour), but so is it sweet?” “Oh, its very nice.” I gave up, and just bought the green tea+red bean cake.

Happy birthday to my Mom though. Happy birthday Mom, you look one year younger!

Now that the holidays are really over, I guess it’s time to do a look-back.

Looking back, I’m not sure what I was really trying to achieve. I did do a lot of self-reflection, evidenced from the deluge of blog posts. I tried, rather hard too, in doing something worthwhile with the excess spare time on my hands, but I’m getting second thoughts on that. Most importantly, I believe, during the holidays, I was actually looking for someone to show me that happy endings do exist.

The more I think on it, the less I believe in its existence. Still, I wish, and still hope, that I would be proven wrong, and that it really does exist, and does happen to wretched, hopeless people like me.

Anyway, the holidays are over. The dream is finished, for now, and its another term of hard slogging and more heartbreak ahead. How do I know? The predictor in me has looked into the crystal ball, and knows it.

The realization that the school term REALLY has started hit me when I stared at the pile of readings to do. For me, school officially starts only when there are tutorials. And I have 3 tutorials to prepare for on Monday.

Enough of being emotional and wallowing in self-inflicted depression. I’ve had my burnout, now it’s time to step up the engine. If I get a girlfriend, good. If the events I’m tasked with organising goes well, good. If the marketing project is wildly successful, good. If I can learn ballroom dancing during the weekends, even better (since it’s subject to me getting the first). If not, studies first.

I know, I am nice and I always seem to have an answer or theory or reason for everything regarding relationships and love. However, I’m just theorizing.  I’ve never been in a relationship, neither am I a trained counsellor/psychologist. If you agree with my views, good; if not, go figure it out yourself. Some questions just have to be worked out yourself.

The next person who asks me about me remaining single will get the “Because I am everyone’s good friend” reply. Because, after all, there does exist separate ladders for “good friend”  material, and “boyfriend” material.

Yeah, so I am everyone’s good friend, and studies come first.

I refuse to succumb to the temptation of brooding this semester away. As such, I’ve decided to test my theory of how my mindset affects the day; by just being happy today. I don’t exactly know what really constitutes as happy, but hey, let’s start with feeling good about the day.

To make sure I really feel good about today, I decided to take my friend up on the offer of cabbing to school. So the cab meandered from Hougang to Bedok Reservoir View, then decided to contribute to the traffic jam by going on the PIE, then the CTE, then AYE. Total taxi fare? $32, of which $24 was paid by me.

Not too bad a sum to start a good day. I do think I took the wrong medicine today though. Either that or I’m too tired to really think. Speaking of which, I’ve finally started listening seriously to chillout/jazz again. Inger Marie Gundersen’s album never sounded so awesome, even if I’m listening to it on shitty ipod earphones.