silens-silentium

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I got the comment that I look tired and overstressed.

I totally agree, although over what, I don’t really know. Maybe I do, but I’m not telling anyway. There’s nothing I can do except work it out.

Deleted 2 previous posts. The long, hot shower sort of re-awakened me, and those two deleted posts were way out of line, and had to be censored.

Yes, I’m grouchy, very grouchy in fact, because I’m suffering from the fallout of eating bad food. While it did not result in food-poisoning (I’m grateful for it), it has led to me having a bloated stomach, and suffering from a super bad migraine since last night. While not totally crippling, it has had an impact on my actions and decisions. It has also made my temper and patience fuse very short, so pardon my bad temper and judgment, if it has led to inconveniences.

As for being touchy, one topic that I am still very touchy about is my fractured spine. I understand that many people are concerned over it, particularly my parents, but really, there’s nothing to be done about it. Life still has to go on. I more or less surrendered to the problem, when I was forced to stop bowling competitively as a result. No doubt, it was one of the hardest decisions to make, given my love for bowling, but I just didn’t have it in me to fight back then. Nor now.

Upon my parents’ urgings, I’ve seen numerous doctors, taken numerous medicines, tried numerous treatments, but they have all not worked out. They always nag about my back, and yet when I broach a possible new treatment not recommended by them, they brush it away as something “shady”. They are, however, very willing to splurge money on things that apparently “guarantee” helping not just my problem, but also other health problems my parents face. Talk about catching hold of the weak spot of the consumer.

I understand their concern. I really do. I just wish that they could be more discerning, and more sensitive towards my feelings, especially with regard to my reticence towards discussion of my back problem.

After quitting bowling, I devoted my time towards being the man in the background. Helping others when needed, and fading away after solving the problem. While I do enjoy playing such a role, it just doesn’t give as much satisfaction compared to bowling. After all, in bowling, everything is all in the mind; but while playing the role of the background guy, there are many conditions which do matter, and are out of one’s control. There are boundaries I can never surmount, try as I might, as the background guy. Especially if they consciously/unconsciously set out to repel me; or turn me away; or just refuse to take my outstretched hand.

At these times, I really miss bowling.

Yes, I finally got the recognition I so craved for: Dean’s List.

I GOT DEAN LISTED. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Very much needed, because it now gives me the needed boost to really pick up the momentum this semester.