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Or whatever that means.
In any case, this is the third time I’m posting something. I really need to get down to studying. Not to say I lack motivation, with my eye on the scholarship and so on, but I just feel de-motivated. Exams commence the week after next, and I have not started at all.
It’s not as if I’ve had a particularly good semester in terms of class participation or something. Or that my grades have been consistently good. Still…
I went to church like the good pious boy I am (after being forcefully awakened by my dad three times and being reminded to go church), and I told God “3 more years… and you’ll have me.”
I really hope I’ll never have to hit that day where I am forced to decide whether to keep my vow or not, because I wouldn’t know what to do. All my life I’ve been enthralled by romance stories with happy endings, and I guess you could say it has been my ambition to be involved in one myself, good ending or not.
Okay I’m deviating again, yeah I need to study. This is precisely the reason why I can’t study. Someone help me please.
For once I slept at 10pm. Okay, 11pm. And woke up at 4am. Like a normal healthy human being should.
I always hear from multiple sources that to girls, looks doesn’t matter when they look for a guy. Some tell me its character, some tell me its tactics.
Then again, the main reason why I fail to get a girlfriend, till now, is because I do not bother to dress up, and because I am (not really fat) but just not slim. Me not bothering to dress up adds to it I believe. I always end up being best-buddies or something.
In the end, its still about looks isn’t it. Not to say that I’ve a nice character (I still think I’m quite a shitty person), but then again, when I start hearing about “boys” my age, they do make me feel good about myself. Character-wise, at least.
Okay that’s it, I’m really starting on a get-fit regime after the exams end. Starting with a nice morning swim everyday.
I guess one of the reasons why I feel so shitty about myself is because there’s just SO MUCH to improve about myself, that I just don’t have time to wallow in misery. One night of intense moping is more than enough nowadays, compared to the weeks I needed back in Junior College. Could this be *gasp* growing up? Haha.
I’ve felt increasingly like a failure the past few days. Perhaps the pressure is getting to me and I’m cracking.
I’m really tempted to revise my expectations and standards, but it seems like the easy way out. I guess I’ll have to trudge on, maybe things are not so bad after all.
I’d like to go out for a coffee now, or maybe take a long walk by the beach, but there’s no one I can ask.
Perhaps I’ve really been conducing my life based on all the wrong principles and beliefs.
If the urban legend about how a miniscule portion of one’s soul is captured together with the photograph during the snapshot, then perhaps I’ve lost quite a bit of my soul over the past 2 days. Evil women.
That being said, it’s really weird that I’ve been pestered into taking the most number of pictures in such a short period of time (unprecedented) during this crazily busy period where I’m getting minimal amounts of sleep every night, and have been surviving on Red Bull to stay awake. I need to learn how to smile though, my smile makes me look damn retarded, so until I’ve mastered the art of smiling, I’ll stick to making monkey faces in photos.
One more day, before I can really heave a sigh of relief and prepare for the final push.
To that closet gay, stop sending me those FUCKING homo messages and sms-es.
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