silens-silentium

歌曲：菊花台 (满城尽带黄金甲主题曲)
歌手：周杰伦 专辑：依然范特西

歌词：
你的泪光 柔弱中带伤
惨白的月弯弯 勾住过往
夜太漫长 凝结成了霜
是谁在阁楼上冰冷的绝望

雨轻轻淌 朱红色的窗
我一生在纸上 被风吹乱
梦在远方 化成一缕霞
随风飘散 你的模样

菊花惨淡地伤 你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠 我心事静静淌
北风乱夜未央 你的影子剪不断
徒留我孤单在湖面生霜

花亦相挽 飘落了灿烂
凋谢的石道上 命运不堪
愁没都江 秋心在两畔
怕你上不了岸 一辈子摇晃
谁的江山 马蹄声荒乱
我一身的戎装 呼啸苍苍
天微微凉(亮) 你轻声地叹
一夜惆怅如此委婉

菊花惨淡地伤 你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠 我心事静静淌
北风乱夜未央 你的影子剪不断
徒留我孤单在湖面生霜

Or whatever that means.

In any case, this is the third time I’m posting something. I really need to get down to studying. Not to say I lack motivation, with my eye on the scholarship and so on, but I just feel de-motivated. Exams commence the week after next, and I have not started at all.

It’s not as if I’ve had a particularly good semester in terms of class participation or something. Or that my grades have been consistently good. Still…

I went to church like the good pious boy I am (after being forcefully awakened by my dad three times and being reminded to go church), and I told God “3 more years… and you’ll have me.”

I really hope I’ll never have to hit that day where I am forced to decide whether to keep my vow or not, because I wouldn’t know what to do. All my life I’ve been enthralled by romance stories with happy endings, and I guess you could say it has been my ambition to be involved in one myself, good ending or not.

Okay I’m deviating again, yeah I need to study. This is precisely the reason why I can’t study. Someone help me please.

For once I slept at 10pm. Okay, 11pm. And woke up at 4am. Like a normal healthy human being should.

I always hear from multiple sources that to girls, looks doesn’t matter when they look for a guy. Some tell me its character, some tell me its tactics.

Then again, the main reason why I fail to get a girlfriend, till now, is because I do not bother to dress up, and because I am (not really fat) but just not slim. Me not bothering to dress up adds to it I believe. I always end up being best-buddies or something.
In the end, its still about looks isn’t it. Not to say that I’ve a nice character (I still think I’m quite a shitty person), but then again, when I start hearing about “boys” my age, they do make me feel good about myself. Character-wise, at least.

Okay that’s it, I’m really starting on a get-fit regime after the exams end. Starting with a nice morning swim everyday.

I guess one of the reasons why I feel so shitty about myself is because there’s just SO MUCH to improve about myself, that I just don’t have time to wallow in misery. One night of intense moping is more than enough nowadays, compared to the weeks I needed back in Junior College. Could this be *gasp* growing up? Haha.

I’ve felt increasingly like a failure the past few days. Perhaps the pressure is getting to me and I’m cracking.

I’m really tempted to revise my expectations and standards, but it seems like the easy way out. I guess I’ll have to trudge on, maybe things are not so bad after all.

I’d like to go out for a coffee now, or maybe take a long walk by the beach, but there’s no one I can ask.

Perhaps I’ve really been conducing my life based on all the wrong principles and beliefs.

If the urban legend about how a miniscule portion of one’s soul is captured together with the photograph during the snapshot, then perhaps I’ve lost quite a bit of my soul over the past 2 days. Evil women.
That being said, it’s really weird that I’ve been pestered into taking the most number of pictures in such a short period of time (unprecedented) during this crazily busy period where I’m getting minimal amounts of sleep every night, and have been surviving on Red Bull to stay awake. I need to learn how to smile though, my smile makes me look damn retarded, so until I’ve mastered the art of smiling, I’ll stick to making monkey faces in photos.
One more day, before I can really heave a sigh of relief and prepare for the final push.

To that closet gay, stop sending me those FUCKING homo messages and sms-es.