After 5 weeks of blundering around, it’s time to get my act in order. I’ve decided to impose a 14 day mugging schedule, to catch up with my modules and do research for my papers.
It hasn’t been a smooth-sailing semester. That much I knew, when I approached the start of the academic year with a sense of lethargy rather that the firm determination of the past semester. First club intervened, then love. I’ve been running around trying to get the club in order, and trying (but failing) to take a step forward in my love life. I guess I’ve been trying to bite off too much.
I’ve been moping around the past few days, doing nothing but agonizing over what next to do with her. Which is stupid, because I know the answer: Continue as things once were before the tumultous events of last week. In addition, she has papers and mid-term tests to study for, not to mention the already rigorous academic schedule and, from what I heard, the rather high standard of the class she is in. No matter what, studies must always come first for now. Still, she’s leaving Singapore this Friday, and I guess I’ll be missing her somewhat. It’s only for a week or so though.
She’s a rather reticient person though; doesn’t really talk much online (maybe because it’s me and the things I talk about), looks rather pensive and thoughtful most of the time, while laughing at our silly jokes the rest of the time. I like to make her smile, I like to see her smile. In addition, she really seems to understand me, work or otherwise.
No matter, while I failed to get the answer I really wanted, to be truthful, I never really expected that answer. By the time I asked, I knew that I’d really gone into overdrive, and that I was just… not thinking. At least though, I managed to clear (somewhat) the awkward situation that I got myself into, and we’re talking fine again. At least we’re not talking about going straight back to zero, even though she’s much quieter on MSN. I’m just imagining things I guess.
I’m not going to think about it anymore. I’ll just box it up, and store it away for now, and start focusing once more on the crucial issues: my studies. Until the mid-terms are over, no more getting distracted and fretting over things which I have no control of. I have an obligation to my parents to continue maintaining my Dean’s List, and applying for a scholarship.
I have to make it clear that I’m not giving up though; it’s more of reverting to the old approach, after being tricked into going overdrive. As I told someone; I’m not going to give her up so easily, nor am I content to watch, broken-heartedly, at the sidelines because of a steadfast refusal to jeopardize the friendship. There might never be another like her again.
14 Day Mugging Schedule: Day 1 results.