silens-silentium

October 13, 2008

Lisey’s Story

Filed under: Book Reviews/Thoughts — Nicholas @ 12:59 am

I bought this book just on Tuesday, and finished it today. Very fast, considering that I mostly read the book only while traveling. It was no understatement when I commented to my good friend that Lisey’s Story was one of the best, if not the best, novel by Stephen King.

I’ve always been a fan of Stephen King. Starting from It and The Stand, I’ve always kept a close watch on his releases. I’ve read both books at least 5 times, and have tried to read every book he’s released, including his epic 7-book Dark Tower series. It’s fascinating how he’s able to weave a myriad of stories together into one huge alternate universe, and if I ever were to be a writer, he’d be the standard I’ll aim for.

I’ve always wondered where he got his ideas from. In Lisey’s Story, he gives us a sneak peek into his mind: The Stephen King universe. Terrifying yet hauntingly beautiful, it struck a chord with me: How the story world one envisages in every plot is just a curtain away. It’s a trademark of Stephen King: Like a modern fable, he details how the traditional forces of evil are overcome by the universal childhood belief in love, companionship and faith.

I always remembered how I used to cower under the blanket, thinking that there was always a bogeyman waiting at the foot of the bed, waiting ever so patiently for my feet to peek out of the bed, then dragging me down, down, down into the depths of hell. The bogeyman, who always took the shape of my dad, but with black holes instead of eyes. I remember being afraid of the dark too, how, in that instant of darkness when I press the light switch, but the light is not switched on yet; I’d have this horrible sinking feeling that the light would never turn on, and that sooner or later that thing in the dark will come to get me.

In other words, the over-fertile imagination, like a cup nearly filled with water, threatens to spill over into reality. As I grow older, these fears subsided. Yet, there are times when I wake up and instinctively tuck my legs in, there are nights where I take my handphone into the toilet with me, in case the lights go out on me, there are nights where I dare not turn over for fear of the unknown. The other universe is but a curtain-pull away, and one will never know when he/she consciously or unconsciously flips over.

Curtains and anchors are two themes in this fascinating novel. Unlike his earlier novels, which sometimes were outright violent, Kind has since toned down and matured; but the horror doesn’t diminish. As what someone I discussed with said: The horror in his novels are increasingly psychological rather than physical.

Perhaps the book seems the best to me because it appeals to the writer-child in me, the Nicholas back then who always sought refuge in that world of his to run from solitude and silence, where the bogeymen were always held in check, and where good always triumphed over evil, despite the cost. All his books have, but this book, in essence, is a description of the terrifying lives most authors go through, and this book has really opened old memories which i’ve kept locked away; scenes from the past which kept flashing by as I read the book.

In a way, during the period where I read the book, I was once more able to seek refuge in that universe I used to spend so much time in, away from the complexities and often harsh realities of real life. The story will end, and so will Stephen King die one day. I dread the day he passes on, but until then, I’ll keep reading his novels, and love every one of them; especially Lisey’s Story.

October 12, 2008

Signs

Filed under: Issues Close to Heart,Life — Nicholas @ 10:39 pm

The signs are back again. Those pithole signs; those JC signs.

I’m feeling totally drained, yet at the same time, feeling underworked. I’m better now, thanks to the two pillars, one who sms-ed me from Australia, and one who apparently has magic powers to keep dreams as they are supposed to be: just dreams.

I guess I’m still haunted by that Monday, and will be for a long time. I still can’t understand how I managed to be such a bastard. Of course it was after that where I realized how I really felt. As my Dad put it last night, that was a very very very bad thing to do.

Then again, I wonder how much I have to push, before I get a reaction. Signs indeed.

The road to December looks long and hard. I’m hoping that the extra work will help stabilize me, or cause me to collapse. Either way, either I get better, or I collapse and get the total rest I crave for.

Dreams and Premonitions

Filed under: Issues Close to Heart,Life — Nicholas @ 1:16 pm

I guess it was about time.

I’ve caught up with almost everyone (with the exception of really old/out-of-Singapore friends), so it was rather timely that my key-pouch hook broke and the key sort of slipped out of the key pouch without me noticing. As such, after my tuition lesson, I found myself without the means to go home, especially when my parents were going out to dance.

Had dinner with Chun Hui, spent about 1+ hour at the forum trying to squeeze the proposal out, then took the train to Pasir Ris to meet my parents for supper. Ended up talking to them till 4.30am. Various things: from career to fengshui (tips and stories) to relationships. I guess the conversation  eased their mind somewhat.

Given the long talk about fengshui, it was not really surprising that I had my first dream in a long while. Really long and vivid dream. I’ve always been very apprehensive about dreams, because alot of dreams I’ve had were more of premonitions than anything.

I woke up tearing and clutching my bolster tightly. I do hope it’s only a reflection of my inner fears. I’m really scared, because if it’s going to turn true, it’s a pithole that I’ll never be able to climb out from. I’ve never cried while dreaming before, its unprecedented. I guess when you finally find something/someone who completes you, and then lose it, to say it hurts is an understatement.
The arm around her; the sound of the heart shattering.

October 11, 2008

Week 8

Filed under: Issues Close to Heart,Life — Nicholas @ 2:33 am

I just told my good friend that every day seems like an eternity.

It’s been 5 days of eternity for me.

You know, they always talk about halves and other halves; I think I finally understand, and have found mine.
Have been talking to people about relationships, and well, it’s such a weird game. Makes it fun, but well… the suspense kills sometimes. I hope I’m not a victim.

Another week of eternities beckon.

October 7, 2008

Why should something be wrong with me?

Filed under: Life,Musings — Nicholas @ 1:07 am

My dad just came up to me and asked: “Hi son, everything alright with you these few days?”

I was flabbergasted. Why should anything be wrong with me?

“Well you looked very frustrated these past few days?”

Well, maybe I’ve been constipated? No really, I’m just stressed about potentially dropping out of Dean List. And of course, about club stuff. What’s new.

“So everything’s alright with you?”

Nope, I need more money, but you probably won’t give me any even if I asked. I don’t need the money anyway, after all, I can’t just escape to Redang or Hawaii even if I had the cash.

“Okay, so everything’s fine with you?”

OH YES EVERYTHING IS FINE AND DANDY LIKE THE SUN IS BRIGHT AND HOTTIE. I know my dad is worried that I’ve been looking so downcast the past few days because of boy-girl issues, but honestly, I’ve repeated the story enough times that the story is probably circulating somewhere on the internet as some erotica doujin where all the characters are replaced by mushrooms and they all end up having a huge gangbang.

I’m sorry dad, but next time if you really want to know, just ask directly. I’ll tell you. Honest. I’ll tell you that I’ve been thinking hard about the Nicholas of the previous 3 weeks, and how after climbing out of the pit, he fell straight into the very next pit and regressed, for a while, back to Junior College times when he consistently moped over a girl (or girls) and ended screwing up his A levels.

Luckily the ramen and the subsequent dinner at Pizza Hut helped to clear Nicholas’ mind, and he decided that, rather than allow himself to be trapped again, he’d rather just forget the whole thing and get on with life. Yeah. Not to say that he doesn’t like the girl anymore (he still does. Alot), but hey, I was right: there’s still another 2 and 1/4 years.

I also came to the conclusion that the reason for my seeming regression lay in the food I was consuming. Too much subway and veggies, and not enough good sinful food. So the next time I feel vexed, I should armtwist someone into treating me to Hanabi.

Club issues seem to be getting better, slowly too. Yes, I do think it’s the food. Seriously, the bastard Nicholas from Year 1 Sem 2 is back. And badder then ever.  I will remain on Dean’s List, I’ll steer the club to greatness and well, yeah. No worries Dad, I don’t doubt my parentage.

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