silens-silentium

December 18, 2008

Sick

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 7:15 pm

In more ways than one. I never thought I’d be writing such a post here, but there’s a snapping point to everyone.

I can’t believe a blissful date could morph into a disastrous outing the following day. Either I’ve been played for a fool, or I did something to piss you off such that you have to return the favour.

I guess the favour was returned in spades, especially when I ignored my better senses to rest at home yesterday, and instead went to buy breakfast, and even decide to press on with the recce trip, in the hope of forging some kind of common experience that could be treasured.

Treasured? Yeah, more of a nightmare rather. I’ve never been much of a talker since Junior College, and I’ve been talking less and less with each passing year. I’ve changed from someone who has liked talking to others, to one who just enjoys the company of the other, and am satisfied with the time spent together.

Maybe I’ve just been reading all the signs wrongly, and that I’m the fool here; but I choose not to believe so. Even then, it hurts.

Fucking hurts. Call me jealous, which i am, or a loser, but I’ve never felt like this before. Nor have I done so much for anyone before. I’ve always acted like Mayama, but I guess I’m turning into a Yamada instead. Maybe after all these years, I’m finally lovestruck.

Going back to bed, best form of painkillers there is.

December 15, 2008

Pensieve

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — admin @ 1:44 am

For some reason, I thought it was more cool as a title than Pensive. Too much Potter-reading.

In any case, asking… was much easier than I expected, even though the mode of asking was not as ideal as I would have wanted.

Perhaps it was the ease of getting the answer, but I’m going to grab hold of it and not let go anymore. I’ve had enough of being restricted by the positions I hold, and the resulting behavior expected of me. I’m never going to relive that agony again, and if it means giving up the position, I’d gladly do so.

I owe someone a big thank you though, for being the first to knock sense into me.

December 12, 2008

About Singing

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — admin @ 11:35 pm

People always ask me why I like singing.

To be honest, I don’t exactly know either. It’s undeniable though; singing aside, the only other things that I enjoy doing as much is reading and writing stories.

I started singing at a real young age. As a little boy, I used to karaoke at family gatherings, normally during Christmas and Chinese New Year. I remember the first songs I learnt to sing were oldies like “Only you” and “Take me home, Country Road”. I still sing them from time to time actually.

Anyway, I grew up listening to many oldies, and from time to time, sentimental pop songs. I remember being enchanted by Disney songs, haunted by Michael Learns to Rock, and well… subsequently addicted to Savage Garden.

In secondary school, I was very much the radio boy. Every Friday I would tune in faithfully to both 987 and Power 98 to listen to the top 20/40, rooting for my favourite songs. Songs like What Good is a Heart, Swear it again, and other boyband songs were like top of my playlist. Westlife were like the boyband for me actually. As my cousin always likes to remind me, I told him a long time ago that If I Let You Go would always be a favourite song of mine. It still is actually.

I remember wondering aloud to a friend a long time ago (I believe it was in secondary school), why most, if not all songs, regardless of language, would be about love. As I started liking people, I began to realize why. The feelings… sometimes just writing them down, or saying them, doesn’t really capture it.

It also explained why many of my essays in secondary school, especially in upper secondary school when my creative juices were in full flow, had substantial lyrics inside them. Partly influenced by Stephen King, and partly because I thought the lyrics would be able to set the mood/atmosphere for the essay.

As I entered Junior College I stopped listening to radio, but was subsequently introduced to chinese pop by Ben Tan. It was then when I discovered karaoke again. Prior to that, in secondary school I refused to do anything that might potentially embarrass me, including singing. K-Box, especially with such a convenient outlet at Parkway Parade (a 10 min bus ride from school), meant that it would be one of my regular haunts, apart from LAN and pool.

In any case, I remembered asking my mum why she would only sing or hum when feeling very down. She couldn’t really tell me, but I guess the reason is more or less the same. The intensity of the feelings… is just more real while singing.

Since then, from JC to NS to university, I’ve always been singing, especially when I’m feeling down. Therefore, when I say that I’ve an overwhelming urge to go K-Box, or keep singing along with others, it just means that I’m stressed, or that I’m feeling really down.

I don’t just sing any song actually. Usually the key to understanding my mood is through the songs I sing. The lyrics are…. very indicative of what I’m trying to convey. Applies also to the lyrics that I upload. But that’s obvious.

I don’t know why I’m writing all these, but well… I guess I just felt the urge to write it down. For some reason, I’m getting the itch to start writing again. Maybe I should continue that story I left off… since secondary 4.

December 11, 2008

Should I Stay?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — admin @ 7:40 pm

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

- Should I Stay, Dreamz FM

December 9, 2008

Over

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 3:47 am

Exams are over, blog is back up.

2 down 1 to go.

Happy holidays!

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