is a book I didn’t finish.
Or rather, it’s a book I can’t bear to finish. I have this irritating habit to read the last 2 pages of every book, even before I start on it, so technically speaking I have finished the book.
It doesn’t feel like I have finished the book though, because if I had done so, the final few pages of the book would be have been marked with tears. I have read many books that are terrific, but stories/themes that resonate with me… are few and hard to find. It’s a story about waiting, about love, and of hoping.
When I was a little boy, I used to think about time-travelling. Everyone does. It’s a novel experience. I wanted to see the future, I wanted to experience the past. Then science and logic intervened. Ideas about butterfly effect, paradoxes, infinite parallel universes complexified it. Made it mind-boggling. Soon it was consigned, like other naive dreams of mine, into the deep recesses of my brain.
Linked to this fantasy of mine was the question of who I’d like to meet if I had the chance to. Answers ranging from famous personalities, my grandparents (both already deceased), aliens, God etc.. At this time now though, the person I’d really like to meet would be my future self. I desperately need reassurance, and it’s something only I myself can provide at the moment.
To be honest, I’ve been doing alot of “time travelling” these few weeks, going to and fro over and over in my mind the possible consequences/effects my (potential) actions might have. Ranges from days, to weeks, and even years. It’s a very tiring thing to do; piercing this veil, and trying to do something that I believe will be right with more certainty. In most cases, the person I need to convince the most is myself. Getting this reassurance from someone who has sailed through this grey fog, and from myself to boot, really is very appealing.
And as for waiting, and the romantic idea of true love, I need not say more about it. Most of you reading this blog know what I feel/think about it. If you don’t, and are really curious, ask me. I’ll gladly buy you a coffee.
I have to apologize though, to the dear person I gave this book to as a birthday present. It was never my intention to buy you something so… beautiful, yet heartrending, for your homecoming to adulthood. I’m glad you enjoyed it very much, and hopefully this might rekindle your appetite for reading once more.
“Don’t say you love me
Unless forever
Don’t tell me the meaning
If you’re not gonna stay
Don’t give me this feeling
I’ll only believe it
Make it real
Or take it all away”
- The Corrs , Don’t say you love me