silens-silentium

On the train to school today, I closed my eyes and semi-prayed for a sign, or a wake-up call. It arrived, in double quick time. I was told by my friend that another friend of ours, who, like me, had applied for the civil service internship program was called up for an interview for the intership position in the PMO. To be honest, it was a huge slap to the face. A really tight, stinging one, since the haze in my mind cleared up almost immediately. My friend can testify to that; after all, poor him had to endure my rampage in the library in searching for adequate research material for my IS policy paper.

I eventually got what I wanted, even though, as usual the library seemed intent on playing hide-and-seek with my books. Most of the books which I gleaned from the LINC system could be found on the shelves, and it wasn’t just the first 5 searches. Rather, most of the list comprised of results of 5 different searches linked to the topic at hand, with me noting down the first 10 relevant books. Still, no result. Then again, given the lazy attitude of most NUS students who rely exclusively on LINC search results, with a bit of snooping around, I managed to find what I wanted. In fact, I daresay the stuff I got were much better as compared to the material I would have gotten from those books listed on LINC. Well, except those in the RBR, and those that are out on loan of course.

Then again, my results, and my assumption as chairperson, had led me to believe that I had finally broken out of my comfort zone, and that nothing was really beyond me now, given my newfound skills and mindset. I thought wrong. In this hazy stupor of mine, I had allowed myself to settle in and get comfortable, and started to rest on my laurels. Given this mindset, it wasn’t surprising that I allowed myself to be detracted by side-issues. I’m not demaning the issues, to me, they still mean a lot, it’s just that it’s useless for me to continue to brood when my career and future is at stake. It was my confidence in my ability to forge a good career and future path that I allowed myself to get involved in these side-issues anyway. Without this confidence and ability, there’s no way I will allow myself to continue drifting and thinking of a philosopher’s solution to the issues. After all, there’s no point in solving this side-issues, and then dragging someone else down with me when my career and future path flounders. In addition, it’s not a sign of maturity too.

I’ve suddenly rediscovered the burning passion again to excel. It’d be nice if the side-issue were to resolve itself in a nice way, but for now, my studies and my future takes priority. I’ve really done alot for you, publicly but mostly privately, since I know you have a strong sense of self-independence. Perhaps you’ll recognize that one day.

I guess I have to thank God (whatever manifestation/name he takes) for that, and also my friend, for delivering that nice slap.