And I had just posted about friendship like…. 2 days ago.
June 25, 2009
June 22, 2009
Touching
I had wanted to put up a post immediately after watching this, but as usual I was too lazy/lacked the motivation to get it out. Please watch the clip before reading further; the part I’m referring to is the first 8 minutes of the clip.
In case you’re wondering, the clip is from A Million Stars 5 (I can’t type Chinese here so here’s the English title), a Taiwanese singing competition. Basically this episode was titled “Our Music Story” in English, and it involved having each contestant pick a song that held the most meaning to them. Some of the stories were rather touching; one sang a favourite song of her dad, who passed away when she was just 8 years old; another dedicated the song she sang to this disease-riddled old man she was caring for in hospital. What touched me the most though, was the above-mentioned clip featuring this contestant, who by the way is one of the better contestants in this competition. Her story went like this: She once had 2 very, very good friends (seen in the picture right at the start), and they were inseparable all the way to high school, where they drifted apart because of very minor issues, and eventually lost contact with each other. Eventually, she managed to get into contact again with the girl, and it was then that she found out the guy, the final person in the original trio of inseparable friends, had passed away. In addition, she recounted how she once made a promise to the guy that should she ever get to fulfill her dream to sing on stage, she would sing a song just for him. The song itself wasn’t very spectacular, but it was really emotional, and it was really touching.
In my previous post, I had written about how a particular supper with friends had made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. To my pleasant surprise, I later found out that some of my closer friends still visit/read my blog occasionally, despite my infrequent posts. One of those who read it was person K, and he told me something about Freudian classifications of human character. Apparently, he believed that I had a dominant superego character, and he cited my tendency to put friends first as evidence why I was that. Which set me thinking: Do I really put friends first? Why? And it was with these thoughts in mind that I watched this clip, and it really struck a chord with me. Sometimes, when friends get too close, we start getting irritated with their flaws and idiosyncrasies, and sometimes the closest friendships can end over petty arguments. However, is it worth it? Do all the shared experiences and bonds amount to so little that it cannot stand such small tests? I guess it’s the reason why I have never really hated anyone, or have fallen out with really good friends (only once I believe). Yes I whine, I complain, I doubt (like in the previous post), but in the end, I still regard them as my close friends, my brothers. Friendship is quite the marvelous thing, and I really think that issues such as awkwardness or tension (especially for ex-crushes or just ex-es), or even pride, can be overcome with a bit of initiative and effort. I guess it would take something really bad though, for a friendship to be not worth continuing or reviving. Most of the time it is not the case.
I’m not sure when my next post will be, but the next post should be about my thoughts on being called “immature” by this close female friend of mine, and why I actually agreed with her (albeit with a pang of reluctance and indignance). In addition, I think I might be getting a full domain site on my own soon, just to please my exhibitionist self I guess.
And oh! I forgot to mention, that contestant is now my favourite in the tournament. And if you want the song just ask me. I have it.
June 7, 2009
Summer Holidays
I’m finding it harder to write something for this blog. The only reason why I’m typing this post is because: 1) I’m broke, 2) My desktop’s dead, 3) My GH:WT drumset is dead, 4) I’m feeling incredibly frustrated by nothing (translates to mean a long series of niggling things that irritate me).
Just returned from supper, which I thought would brighten my mood, but instead added to my frustrations. The choice of music (pseudo-techno remixes of the most irritating C-pop songs around) at the HK cafe certainly contributed to my irritation to a large degree. More crucially however, the disturbing observations I made over the course of supper was itself a source of frustration. For one, Guy Y was totally quiet during the first part of the conversation, which centred around real life happenings. Secondly, Guy W was shut out of the conversation (more than usual) throughout supper, only being allowed space to agree/disagree and make short supplementary phrases. Thirdly, Guy K and Guy Y kept interjecting each other continually during the second part of the conversation, which centred around L4D. Fourthly, the conversation had to steer towards L4D for Guy Y to become active, which was also very disturbing. Fifthly, I was increasingly disturbed by the fact that I was picking out such trends so easily, and that I semi-belonged to either side of the conversation, or more bluntly, on neither side of the conversation at all.
Perhaps I wasn’t as observant before, but it seemed disturbing to me that a supper group which used to be able to talk about everything and anything, now had people feeling left out of the conversation. Seems that either the people in the supper group have changed, or I have changed. Maybe both. Either way, it feels like I’m drifting.
Drifting where? I do not know either. Results this semester have been atrocious, by my standards. Others would have been very happy with the results I got, but the very fact that my CAP descended so much was really a cause of worry for me. It’s not too late to pull it back up, but I’ll have to work much harder in the remaining semesters. While results did not factor into my decision to quit the club and the community totally, it did strengthen my resolve to stick to the decision. To be brutally honest, the things that I’d gone through the past year sapped all my resolve and determination. What debt I owed to the community has now been repaid. Armchair critics, immaturity, total inability to shoulder responsibility, petty egoistic politicking; all these behaviour disgusted me to no end. It still goes on, right at this moment, and I’m sick and tired of it. No point sacrificing other aspects of my life to fight a losing battle. I do sympathise greatly with my successor though, because the task he has before him, to continue with the rebuilding and at the same time focus on expansion, will be even tougher. I hope this experience does not sink him.
Work so far has also been rather unsatisfying. I had entered the internship hoping for a rigorous, but satisfying internship, one that would make me feel as if I was really contributing something useful. I’ve been very polite with my responses about my thoughts on the internship thus far, but to be brutally honest, it’s a major source of my irritation and frustration. The interns are really fun people, but apart from that, it really feels like a regular school term with paid allowance and more restrictions. I don’t mind writing papers, nor do I mind doing intensive research, but how am I to do research when I’m stuck in the office with very limited internet access, and with very limited material to refer to? If academic work is needed, and all we do during office hours is part time guiding only twice a week, I really do think that much more time should be given for us to conduct research, rather than just keeping us in office on the lame excuse that we could also do readings in office. Which never ever happens, because all we do is end up playing table tennis. Quite bitterly disappointed. Add to the fact that I’m the only person doing something really related to Political Science, which no one really can help me on, and it only adds to it.
On the relationship front, there’s nothing new happening at the moment. Girls? Shrugs. Either away on holiday or on complicated (break/no break?) status.
Which is why couch potato weekend comes in handy I guess. To take time to really think and review things over. Stepping down means another chapter of my life is over, deciding to walk away from the community totally is another. Unsatisfying work (seems like I’m just hanging on for the enticement of money) adds to this sense of unhappiness and emptiness. Awkward suppers make me feel alien (sorry guy W, really appreciate the treat but yeah). So here I am, blogging it out, and not feeling much better. Quarter life crisis I guess.
The Siege and Failure to Launch was nice though. Especially Failure to Launch, suprisingly. Typically cliche hollywood romance does have therapeutic effects after all. And Sarah Jessica Parker looked absolutely hot in the movie.