silens-silentium

31/7 is always a special day for me.

Every year, on my birthday week, I would inevitably think of you. After so long, you’re still so unforgettable, even though there’s not much shared memories between the two of us. These few, however, still remain crystal clear till now. Alright, maybe it’s yellowed a little, and perhaps slightly faded.

Oh well, just reminiscing about the past, and what could have been. Happy 25th birthday  Jenn!

1. Had a vivid dream nearly 2 weeks ago. In that dream, for the first time, I held your hand (or any girl’s hand in the dream world for that matter) and it felt blissful. The trouble is, I’m still supposed to be getting over your good friend. If dreams are a reflection of the sub-conscious, then what does it say?

2. Last Sunday, I casually mentioned going out together to catch a movie together. You told me, hey I’m going for a date. My heart sank and I felt sick. It wasn’t supposed to sting that much, much less sink. In the end it turned out not to be an actual date, but I couldn’t concentrate the next 2 days.

3. Finally figured out the last piece of the puzzle in explaining my reluctance to take action in every situation so far. Apart from being risk-adverse and wimpy, there’s also fear. Not of rejection, but of myself, be it being in a relationship, or just being able to recover. I need more confidence in myself.

4. I feel lost this mid-term break. Partly because I’ve always looked forward to Monday mornings.